You know what’s bullshit? On-campus shops ripping off the students who actually go to class. Seriously guys, you can’t give me a fucking five dollar footlong on campus? I have to go 10 minutes out of my way onto campus to get one, but that’s a lot of effort for the two bucks I’d save.

The idea of the rational consumer is clearly bullshit, and the free market sucks. I demand a federal bailout.

Tomorrow’s forecast: The ‘human tries to take a proposed sandwich connoisseur bailout to D.C., but gets lazy and forks over the extra couple bucks to make someone else do it.