Correction added

Puffy-chested, proud tulips to the firefighters who kept the Tea Fire from lighting all of Santa Barbara County on fire, and to the community members, groups and businesses who opened their arms to those who needed help. Way to heat up our souls.

Flaming, moronic turds to the SBCC students who allegedly lit the bonfire that started the Tea Fire. How dare you so blatantly disregard Smokey’s advice — and during fire season! You can’t expect to piss off Oprah and get away with it.

Goal-scoring, victory-dancing tulips to the women’s NCAA soccer team for stomping on the competition and taking the Big West title. The women’s club team also deserves a bouquet for absolutely pwning everyone and going undefeated.

Probable tuition increases — again. Abysmal economy. Bleak prospects in the job market. Eyeliner-wearing, swoopy-banged turds to the pathetically depressing future.

Utterly disappointed, sadfaced turds to the passage of Proposition 8 and conservative nut Tony Strickland’s victory over Hannah Beth Jackson. Bigotry of any form is not cool, but when it’s put into the constitution, it’s plain disgusting. And Strickland? Really?

Free-ballin’, speedy tulips to the streakers at the Cal Poly home game. Even if the men’s soccer team didn’t win Big West, we Gauchos always rock out with our cocks out.

Irritated, painfully long turds to the ever-continuing construction on Pardall and the rest of I.V.’s roads. Biking to class at 8 a.m. is already painful enough. The extra loop-de-loops to avoid construction just add insult to injury.

All-American, democratic tulips to UCSB for turning out in gargantuan numbers to vote in this monumental election, and to Americans in general for electing Obama. We’ve gained Europe’s respect for at least a year.