Editor, Daily Nexus,

“I think your penis is too big for my mouth.” The first time I heard it, it sent my ego into the stratosphere. I walked around town thinking I had the biggest cock on the planet, more than happy to show it off at parties and incessantly make jokes about its size. The second time, it got even worse — after all, now I had confirmation and knew that it wasn’t just one girl’s opinion. Either the women in Isla Vista tended to have obnoxiously small mouths, or I was the SHIT. All was well and good, and I never suspected foul play.

Then the third time rolled around. She said it verbatim the way the others had, and at this point I started to realize something was amiss. First of all, my penis is a pretty nice size, but it wouldn’t exactly draw a crowd at a circus, if you catch my drift. I began to reflect on what it could mean to hear the exact same thing worded in the exact same way from multiple women when it dawned on me: It was more than possible that this was a standard line women say to guys to make us feel better about ourselves. How did it take me so long to figure it out? I’d been lied to!

The question, then, is how the women in this town all learned the same trick. Are you all taking the same secret blow job class where they teach you how to make a guy feel good? And if so, why didn’t they tell you to ALWAYS maintain eye contact when you’re polishing the pole? It’s super hot. Was there some article in Cosmo telling you guys to say this line or what? Or am I just losing my mind and being unusually paranoid, unable to take a compliment without fear of ulterior motives?