Two weeks before her wedding, a woman in Iowa was ordered by a judge to keep away from her fiancé after she was charged with domestic abuse. What’d she do, you ask? She bit him. Just clamped her teeth right onto his hand and chomped down.

Now, do you see what happens when you read Twilight too much? You hurt people. Go on, put the book down. You’re not a 12-year-old girl.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Vampire revenge. Get your garlic ready.