Imagine for a moment that you are the luckiest person in the world and you are my roommate’s summer subleaser. Yes, you are rooming with the sexiest being on campus, and yes, you know the Weatherhuman. No, you cannot have the room tonight. Anyway, you’re pretty cool so far, but I have one question for you: When will you learn to fucking replace the toilet paper when you use the last square?

Wednesday’s forecast: Wet, yellow skies with a high chance of brownish clouds experts can only describe as “poopy.”