There is a point preceding every casual Isla Vista hookup when it becomes apparent your sassy dance moves have paid off, and you will be rewarded with a night of unruly bonage. In fact, we college students have come to master the communication skills needed to indicate to a member of the opposite sex that we are hard, wet and raring to go. It could be a subtle testicle rubdown on the dance floor, or the “wannna ditch this joiiint?” drunken attempt at a fornication relocation. Then, before you can say “tickle my pickle,” you find yourself in a poorly lit apartment with rules thrown out the window. When it comes to cumming, there’s nothing that soothes the horny soul like a frisky night of casual sex.

There is something extremely pure and beautiful about two hormonally charged college students fucking the night away in an uncommitted, no-strings-attached setting. It’s the magic in the spontaneity of indulging in an evening of unattached carnal pleasure. To me, the one-night stand embodies the youth, passion and adventure of a bustling college campus. Are we not taught in our classes to be creative? One-night flings are all about creative energy and spontaneous thrills. They are like the Holy Grail of sexual exploration.

It’s all about attempting the freakiest shit possible in the little time you two lovebirds have before the alcohol you’ve consumed turns you both comatose. Where else can you bust out that tittie-fuck you’ve been creaming over all these nights? You can bite, you can spank, you can make him call you Xena, Warrior Princess – fuck it! No complications necessary, with all the exciting stimulation.

The problem is casual sex is littered with negative connotations and crippling myths. And though we are proud to be students at the ever-poetically dubbed, “University of Casual Sex and Beer,” we do carry with us an undeserving stigma. My point: The choice to have sexual relations in a casual setting is my right. I’ll be damned if I pass up the opportunity to have the rough sex I desire with a stranger on top of me for fear of being dubbed “slutty.”

Contrary to judgmental belief, people who have casual sex are not all sluts and man-whores who have nothing on their minds but a selfish need to cum on one another without getting emotionally involved. It’s your body, and being sexually active is a personal choice and right. Fuckers and chuckers are people too – they have just chosen not to suffer through a night of boring dinner small talk.

Let’s also debunk the ever-popular myth that casual sex is mentally and physically unhealthy. Look, as long as you have no doubts, consent to the act and use proper protection, casual sex is a stress-relieving, endorphin-releasing good time for all. Just keep in mind comfort levels regarding sexual confrontation vary in each person, especially when you met your partner 48 minutes ago while screaming “…boots with the FURR” at the top of your lungs. Just remember to communicate, and your night will be as healthy as a plate of zucchini – or any other phallic vegetable in your pantry.

On a final note, I think it’s fair to say most people who have casual sex don’t intend to keep hittin’ and quittin’ it long into old age. Just because a person partakes in casual sex doesn’t mean they wouldn’t do well in a serious relationship. It just means in the meantime, skin-on-skin contact is a nice variation to those lonely vibrator nights. Likewise, indulging in no-strings-attached sex does not mean you don’t appreciate love and monogamy, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t share a special vibe with your lover of the evening. I would never consider having a one-night stand if I didn’t feel a strong connection with the guy. It’s just that for one reason or another, I can’t see the chemistry we share moving into a relationship. Point being: If the sparks are there, carpe diem boys and girls. Or better put, carpe noctem.

The moral: If someone gives you shit for listening to your loins, the bastard is probably just jealous.