There are about a hundred drivers that will pick your drunk ass up from State Street and get you safely home any day, any time. From the cab companies to Bill’s Bus, we in Santa Barbara are spoiled with a plethora of DD’s who can take us home so we can avoid that DUI. Even on New Year’s Eve, when there are hundreds of people flooding State Street, you can call a cab and be picked up in 15 minutes. But what about other cities? I know that where I grew up, there practically weren’t any cabs to pick you up.

I recently took a trip to Chico, and let me tell you, the cab situation was not pretty. Although it was much cheaper than Santa Barbara to take a cab from downtown to, well, anywhere in Chico, the wait was ridiculous. Just to get a cab to the house to get downtown took half an hour. Good thing we are girls and can always use a little more time to get ready. Trying to leave the bars in the middle of the night, however, was a bigger problem. Good thing we decided to call ahead of time so that we could at least have another drink before waiting in the drizzly cold to be picked up. A 45-minute wait just to get a ride home. Damn. We had a few more drinks to pass the time. After almost an hour-long wait, we left the bar and stood in the cold, waiting for the cabbie who was supposed to call us when he got to the bar. The cab company showed, but some people were already on the streets and jumped right into the cab before we could. Of course, that feeling of “oh shit, that was probably ours” came over us. About 10 minutes later, we call the cab company. Of course, the guy had already come through and picked people up. So after a little complaint, they sent another cab for us.

The whores and vultures were out trying to claim every cab that came through. We had to fight our way to a cab. Every time headlights came up the streets, people would claim that one as their own. Finally, the cab showed up and we ran past everyone and jumped in. Some bitches said it was their turn and a random guy opened the door to get in. What the fuck? Do we know you? Get the hell out of here. We do not do favors for pushy assholes like yourself. Five bucks later, we finally were home. Though irritated by Chico cabs, I was much more appreciative of the ease and number of cabs in SB.