Back in the days of the Wild West, there were gunslingers that were notorious for being quick to kill with their pistols. They were often found drinking whiskey and gambling in saloons. These cowboys were eventually exaggerated into characters of western movies. As fun as it may be riding horses, robbing trains and banks, gambling and drinking whiskey, most of us will probably never experience anything like the lives of these rebellious assassins.
At least that’s how things were before beer duels. A beer duel can take place between two individuals or two teams. They can take place anywhere at anytime, but serve as an excellent way to settle an argument. Say, for instance, you and a friend are both spitting game or flirting with a potential hook up. How do you settle who gets to take the potential fuckee home? Beer duel. Or, for example, you and your roommate split the cost of the flat screen TV you’ve had all year, and now that you are parting ways, who gets to keep it? Beer duel. Trying to decide who should pay for dinner, what movie to see, or who has to clean up the puke-filled, pissed covered bathroom after a raging party? Why, the loser of a beer duel, of course!
To start a beer duel, the competitors must first agree on the terms of the battle. A friendly yet stern handshake and maybe a few witnesses will solidify this. Next, the opponents must stand back to back in the middle of the battlegrounds. Each gunslinger should have a beer in hand or holster. When I say a beer in holster, I’m talking about those funny leather holsters you can buy in Mexico. They’re the ones that either hook on your belt or tie around your waist and hang down like a gun holster. Except these holsters hold cans… cans of beer, that is.
So each opponent is standing back to back with beer in hand or preferable holster, ready to battle. When an onlooker yells go, each opponent takes three paces away. Upon completion of the few steps, both people turn around, open their beers and chug as quickly as they can. As soon as someone finishes the beer, he or she puts it on the ground and crushes it with his or her foot. He or she must quickly pick up the crushed beer can and throw it as hard as possible at the loser who is probably still drinking their beer. The dead loser can choose to act as if he or she was really shot and fall to the ground. Often they actually just become angry, storm out of the room and throw a tantrum. If you lose, the best thing to do is kindly offer a rematch. Do this again and again until you win or until you both become too drunk to care.
If you chose to beer duel in teams as opposed to one on one, a new element is added. If the person who finishes first hits a person on the opposing team, that person who was hit must stop drinking and is considered dead. The remaining players can continue drinking until everyone has finished and thrown their beers. If each team has at least one remaining player, then the remaining beer duelers must have a showdown.
As you can imagine, beer dueling is often intense. If there is something big on the line, a beer duel can attract a big crowd, especially at a party. I would recommend practicing at home a few times this week or weekend. That way, the next time you are caught in an argument or squabble, you can settle it with a beer duel.