Has anyone ever figured out why the illegal immigrants at car washes are so happy all the time? I mean they’re singing, dancing and laughing the entire time, even though they’re doing hard manual labor for spoiled Americans, who are too lazy to wash their own cars. It’s incredible. Here I am, sitting in my air-conditioned hooptie, worrying about life’s insignificant details and these crazy cats are having a fiesta while slaving away for minimum wage. I can’t even begin to imagine how happy they get when they’re not working.

Thursday’s Forecast: the ‘human tries to start washing its own car, but soon realizes that washing your car is like flushing a toilet while sitting on it. It seems like a good idea at the time, but you regret it the second you start getting wet.