&uidThe other night, my friends and I were discussing the difference between a “douche” and a “tool” over a few margaritas. I don’t remember what the outcome was, not because I was blacked out, but because it’s one of those things that you can talk about for hours and not really figure out. Ah, the mysteries of life. I use the word douche all the time and I actually have no idea how to correctly use the word tool as an insult, so I figured I should find out the real definitions.

I turned to the first trusty source I could think of that could help me sort out this quandary, which is of course urban dictionary. My favorite definition for douche goes like this: “a word to describe an individual who has shown themself to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vaginas.” [sic] (I put that little [sic] in here so you guys know I’m not a moron; I actually know how to make the subject and possessive pronoun match). So that definition is pretty straightforward. A douche looks like this or, more commonly, like this.

What about tool? According to my preferred definition, a tool is “a sad soul who is being taken advantage of without realizing it.” There are way more funny definitions, but for simplicity’s sake, we’ll stick with this one. A tool, then, is just someone who I can use and abuse without his knowing. Aw, that’s kind of pathetic.

So a tool is someone who is being used without his or her knowing. A douche is someone who is as dumb as a vagina cleaner. Wow, society, neat words.