Last week I went to the movies. And there’s not a lot I like more than snacking on some sweet popcorn to go along with some action packed movie-ness. Except, you guys don’t do sweet popcorn. Can you guess how that makes me feel? Yes, that makes me feel sad, but at least it gives me something to write about for today. Mr. Positive – that’s me! Now I know you’re probably thinking, “We do have sweet popcorn – it’s caramelised.” This is not sweet popcorn. Once again, I invite you to come over to England and taste sweet, sweet goodness. To be honest, I’m genuinely surprised it doesn’t exist over here – buttery, sugary, ridiculously bad-for-you-food? Surely it exists! Sadly no, so I decided to watch the movie-film with a lowly hot dog instead. For shame America, for shame…

Well, I think I can get over that fairly quickly – I don’t get to go to the movies that often, so it doesn’t affect me too much. What I do encounter on a more regular basis is the retarded traffic-light system. I know the global population is constantly rising, but is killing people at crossroads the most subtle way of going about population control? Seriously, they are very confusing. Not only is the white stick-man who tells pedestrians to cross in a seemingly uncomfortable position, but he barely makes an appearance! As soon as he’s gone, a giant red hand of death appears, flashing at you to stop. Do I carry on or go back? Why are cars still approaching? How long do I have until the death hand stops flashing? I live on a road where cars are turning across my path, and I have to wait for the old crippled white man to appear to cross. But he doesn’t show up until AFTER the cars have started zooming past. If I go, surely they’ll stop? After all, the pedestrian has the right of way. Not so. I have had many instances where I’ve been nearly run over by drivers not able to see the stick man. As far as they’re concerned, I’m still waiting for the traffic light to change. Fun times. Oh and has anyone heard of an amber light? It gives pedestrians and drivers alike an indication of when to go/stop. Don’t build three lights at one stoplight if you’re not going to use all three, it’s just silly.

You’ll have noticed that I’m being pernickety. I am NOT being “persnickety.” If you don’t know what either mean, then quickly check the OXFORD dictionary. The latter is some made-up toy word. I will find more silly words in weeks to come, so stay tuned. Oh, and also, I know it’s fashionable for whatever godforsaken reason, but guys, please stop sagging your jeans below your boxers. I don’t care if your tidy whities are Calvin Klein. You look like a bloody six year old who can’t dress himself. Pull up your jeans – you’re not in prison, you don’t need to “jail,” because you have a belt! Good day.