Fess up: You have been so desperate for attention some days that you flirt with anything that walks and gives you a flick of attention. This desperation makes people do stupid things, like sleep with their high school exes or hook up with that lurpy character from history section. Or make a Facebook group called “I Need Sex.”
Laura Micheals was starving for some sexual healin’ and figured, what better way to get it delivered to her door than to call on Facebook? Within 10 minutes of making the group, 35 men – all clean, chivalrous gentlemen, I’m sure – were members. Soon enough, 100 men had also joined. Laura slept with 50 of them. Seriously, Laura, only 50? Come on, woman. Step up to the plate.
Facebook has since kicked Laura off the site. I did some really intense research to find the group, but to no avail. Not cool, Zuckerberg. Does Facebook discriminate against sex addicts now? What if they actually need sex to live? Maybe they have a medical condition where they needed to orgasm every single day or else they would die. Oh, and pretend they can’t masturbate either. Yeah, consider that, Zuckerberg.
Luckily, the sex addicts who can’t find a date through the traditional, face-to-face means still have craigslist. The site offers an “erotic services” section just for those people who want to get down to business. You may never have noticed because you’re too busy seeing if you’re listed on missed connections (don’t worry, pathetically hopeless romantic. I check them daily, too). You can only get to the erotic services section through any of the personals sections. Once you’re in strictly platonic, for example, click on the drop down menu up at the top. By golly, there’s erotic services! No, I don’t know this secret, creepy thing because I’ve ever posted or responded. Don’t go accusing me of that.
I feel like I should give you some sort of disclaimer at the end here so if I run for public office, nobody will claim I have sex with people I meet on the Internet. Don’t have sex with people you don’t know, OK? At least share one of those $5 footlong sandwiches at Subway. That’s such a steal.