I hadn’t had any real food the whole day, so I decided I had no choice but to grab one of those ass UCen sandwiches. I was just about to reach my goal when this pasty, Irish-looking dude blocked my path with a flyer. “Direct action against the war,” he said. His Asian accomplice was yelling some ethics jargon at a few students from a distance.

Now, usually I would just blow past these peace-loving lunatics, but I was still high from my econ lecture, so I decided to give him a lesson of supply and demand.

“How do you feel about the war in Iraq and possible future military action against Iran?” he asked.

“I think they are both great ideas,” I said.

He tried really hard to hide his surprise. Real opinions are rare at a party/surf school like UCSB. I bet the majority of the responses he got ranged from, “Uh, I haven’t really thought about that” to “Yeah, man, that’s effed-up.”

Before he could recover, I added, “Look, let’s be realistic. We all know that we’re running out of oil. We can’t afford to play games with the Middle East anymore. It’s time to take control of the oil production. What better way to take over than destabilizing the already weak Arab governments, fueling tribal rivalry and posing as the solution to the crisis? Iraq was a strategic marvel.”

And he just walked away. He had to. There was nothing more he could do because he knew I was telling the truth. I’m not interested in sugarcoating it with some ideology of freedom like the majority of Republican followers. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for freedom or any kind of ideology. It’s what keeps the common people sane and functional. History has proven the majority of people in this world are simple-minded followers. Why bother yourself with thinking about complicated issues like overpopulation, natural resource depletion and the military industrial complex when you can just enjoy the simple pleasure of knowing you are being taken care of by the man?

Have you heard the U.S. has one of the worst K-12 systems in the world? The next time you meet a foreign student, ask what they learned in high school. Most of them will list courses you’re taking right now as a freshman or sophomore in college. Now, have you also heard the college admittance rate increases every year? Completely paradoxical? Not at all. Of course the admittance rate will increase when we’re dumbing down the entire educational standard. Again, let me stress that this is in no way a bad thing. Our system works as a class hierarchy. We don’t need the general public to be smart and well-educated. All that information will only confuse them further into making bad decisions for themselves. We just need them to go to college, go to work, live in the suburbs and feel comfortable and content about their simple achievements. Only then can the more educated elites lead the nation with ease. So, please, let the followers live their freedom dream.

You may call me a tool, a pawn of the system. It’s true… in a sense. In fact, we are all pawns of the military industrial complex. But is that so wrong? The military needs followers to conquer resourceful lands. The corporations need followers to produce goods. The schools teach followers the rules and keep them in line. True, a few people will profit more than the rest. But those are also the people who will bring you big screen TVs, fast sports cars and beachfront properties. What better deal can you find?

So I say, let’s put more money into the military, more troops in Iraq. Let’s take over Iran and take their oil. In fact, let’s take whatever resources we can get. After all, we are animals. We are all on our own in this cruel world. Just be glad that right now we are still at the top of the food chain.

You want to know what real freedom is? It’s when, following the peak production of oil, the economy experiences a recession and the dollar becomes valueless, yet my parents still have 200 barrels of petroleum in our warehouse. Now that’s freedom.