Apparently people were getting trampled and straight up mollywhopped at the entrance for the Clinton speech last night, since they only let 900 people in. I don’t see what all the fighting was about. I could have easily summarized her speech yesterday, and saved you all the trouble of committing felonies to get into the gym. I’m sure it sounded something like…

“Change, blah blah, changing changed change, blah blah, it’s not easy,” sniffle, sniffle, “making change, blah blah, cambiar y variación, blah blah, CHANGE.”

Friday’s Forecast: I’m pretty sure that was about it. By the way, in case you Democrats are getting bitter with me, I promise to equally roast the Republicans if any of them ever grow a pair and actually come to Santa Barbara. So, basically never.