It’s always a sad day when I walk into class after the first rain, and instead of spaghetti straps and booty shorts, I’m met with baggy sweats and no skin to be found. I thought this was UCSB! As students of this wonderful university, we have a beach-loving reputation to protect at all times of year, and, luckily for us, there are those special females who brave the cold to display their wonderfully defined rear ends. Thanks to the many gym rats around, we attend one of the fittest schools in the country, and thus are home to students with some of the most beautifully shaped butts – butts that only the tightest and skimpiest of shorts can adequately give homage to.

One of my favorite pastimes is sitting on my balcony and watching the lines of people wander by. As creepy as that sounds, when a brave soul cruises by in shorts that are smaller than my boxers, it is like a beacon of light on an otherwise gloomy day. Gorgeous, sexy light, that is. Seeing my peers brave the cold to protect what we have come to be defined as here in Santa Barbara makes me realize that, no matter how terrible my hangover or problems, there are lovely ladies sacrificing their comfort in the cold weather to honor the years and years of tradition this school has been built upon. Talk about inspirational.

Often these miniscule shorts contain words on the cheeks that draw attention from many a wandering eye. This helps these females get noticed by us guys, something that is much less likely to happen with their legs covered up. As a result, their confidence receives a boost from the extra attention they earn because of their outfits. Without these shorts in the coldest of times we would be just like those students in Riverside or Santa Cruz. When girls rock these sexy shorts, they are doing it for all of us Gauchos, for which I applaud them and can’t stop staring.