Natural disasters are an awesome force. Tornados, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis and yes, fires, are all acts that will make you realize nature’s immense power – and can end your life in the same instant. Bottom line: Nature is not to be trifled with.

There is an aspect of disasters though that is all ugly human nature: Looting. Looters are bloodsucking, opportunistic leeches. They wait for unfortunate events, such as disasters, to rob innocent people of what little they may have left behind in order to escape for the safety of their lives. I equate these vermin to the same type of assholes cruising through Isla Vista during the holidays, looking for cars and apartments to break into. There’s only one way to deal with these jerks and I’ve actually had to demonstrate it a time or two. Luckily – for the sake of the criminal – the cops got there just in time.

Call me a mean son of a bitch if you’d like, but if I had my way, looters would be subject to a “shoot to maim and cripple” policy. My personal method would involve the use of a Ghillie suit, a .270 Weatherby with a Starlight high-power night scope, a Sionics suppressor and a good hiding spot. By the way, this is not one of those assault weapons you liberals are so contemptible of. This is a standard deer-hunting rifle with a few minor modifications to make it an effective sniping tool.

What I’d do is wait for the looters in the comfort of my hiding place, let them do their thing, then as they come out with the goods get them in my crosshairs and – BANG! The thing is, I’d aim for the lower back or kneecaps as this would either induce paralysis from the waist down or require a dual knee replacement. I’d love to hear the 9-1-1 call made by the looter’s accomplice(s) and the explanation of what happened to the police:

“Well, officer, we were looting and some maniac started shooting at us!” Imagine that!

The reason for a maim and cripple policy is this way, when the looter is enjoying that big screen plasma television they stole, bedridden from the shot I took, they can also explain to their kids that looting is not the way to earn your goods. Imagine having to live out your life crippled, just for an electronic appliance? That would suck.

The unfortunate side to this is they would probably apply for disability and then my tax dollars would go into supporting the scumbag. But think about it: They’d loot no more!

Race, religion, ethnicity, age, gender – whatever – would not play any part in my decision to take the shot, as I’m a firm believer in equal opportunity. Simply put: You loot, I shoot!

Of course, some sort of “victim’s rights” advocacy group would probably come to the aid of these “unfortunate individuals” that were just exercising their “civil rights.” What about the rights of the original property owner? And if the looter just happens to be of a minority group, you can bet some Al Sharpton type would be leading some kind of protest and blaming “The Man” every step of the way.

For the time being, police authorities have to deal with these shitheads in the most humane and law abiding way when arresting them – and that’s a bummer. Police should have the option to shoot looters on sight. My version of the Miranda Rights for looter scumbags would go like this:

“You have the right to shut up. You have the right to receive a total ass kicking on the spot. You have the right to be locked up in a 3-by-5 feet dark, smelly cell and fed only bread and water. There will be no trial for you, just an inquisition that will decide your fate. If you wish to waive your rights we go back to the ass-kicking portion until you understand. Any questions?”

If only this were possible, looting would be a lot less frequent than what we’re experiencing.