Dear Class of 2011,
First of all, in about a month you’re going to discover beer pong, Del Playa Drive and a beach with no rules regarding alcohol, and you’ll quickly become the class of 2012 (or possibly even 2013 for those of you with alcoholism in your genes).
As for me, they call me the Weatherhuman. Consider me your daily guide through the next year, always there with a complaint or tasteless joke to get you through your 8 a.m. History 4A class. You’ll learn to love this little box, just please don’t make love to it, no matter how desperate you are to lose your virginity.

Today’s Forecast: Hordes of worried parents Google “Del Playa Drive” and subsequently call UC Davis to see if it’s too late to force a transfer.