Today marks a glorious day in I.V. tradition. This is a day where students unite as a community to make great things happen, a day that will have thousands of people smiling, playing and boozing in the sun. Today is Floatopia.
Floatopia is a combination of the words Float and Utopia. For decades, psychologists have been researching different types of utopian societies. Little did they know, the perfect society consists of hundreds of floating devices and massive amounts of alcohol. Floatopia is just that. Today, our nice little beach next to Del Playa Drive will look like something out of MTV Spring Break. The beach will be filled with beer pong tables, kegs, horseshoes, soccer balls, Frisbees and countless other games that can easily be played while drinking. The ocean will be filled with rafts, kayaks, boats, platforms and other floating devices all linked together. The people on these floating objects will be partying and drinking as hard as the land lovers. All of this combined with the friendly drunken vibe that is Isla Vista will make for an epic day.
If you are unsure what specifically to bring to Floatopia, I have a few suggestions. The most important is obviously alcohol. If your float pops or your ship sinks, at least you will have your alcohol to console you. Light beer and fruity drinks tend to work well at the beach, but no one will judge if you just show up with a handle of Smirnoff. Last year I found a funnel on the ground, washed it out in the ocean, and made about 30 different people beer bong out of the funnel. Sharing is caring when it comes to booze at Floatopia, and a little peer pressure will ensure that everyone gets drunk and has fun.
The next most important thing to bring to Floatopia is anything that floats. Costco has awesome party floats for about $300. If that is out of your budget, Kmart will have cheaper rafts and oars for under $60. If you are the kind of person that drinks Takka and Milwaukee’s Best, you might just buy a noodle or two for a few bucks. There are many cool floats I have seen and would suggest using for Floatopia. One is the trampoline float. This is a huge yellow and blue float with a ladder on the side and a trampoline in the middle. These range from about $400 – $3000 depending on the quality and size you chose. Although expensive, most come with a lifetime warranty. They are versatile enough to encompass jumping bikini-clad chicas or drunken, passed out hombres.
Once you have the liquor and the float, take it to the next step by using some creativity. Other participants appreciate pirate flags, squirt guns, chillums and funny bathing suits. Make Floatopia fun by preparing ridiculous and fun activities and costumes. If you have any special sound equipment, such as deejay gear for the beach or waterproof speakers for the water, bring them. Spell or draw funny symbols on your body with sunscreen. Don’t fear being ridiculed or teased, Floatopia is a judgment-free zone.
Floatopia will be one of the greatest days of Spring Quarter. The weather forecast says that it should be clear and sunny today. My forecast says to call in sick for work or skip class, because around noon, you will want to be nowhere else in the world but the beach. Stop reading this article now and get your ass to the beach!