Dear Mr. Cheney,
You are the worst vice president ever. Now, we’ve had our share of bad commanders in chief, but no second in command has ever been as incontestably awful as you are. Just this last week, when Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., boldly stated what most Americans already believe – that the war in Iraq is lost – you characteristically accused him of “misleading” the country and of “defeatism.” The administration’s hatchet boy shtick is tired. Please stop. Your routine isn’t convincing anymore. We see you for who you are: the worst vice president ever.
Now I know some smart aleck is sitting here saying, “What about Spiro Agnew, Nixon’s VP! Wasn’t he worse?” No. Although Agnew had to resign due to money laundering and tax evasion, no vice president, Agnew included, has been as underhandedly destructive to this country as you have been, Mr. Cheney. Never have we seen such authoritarian inclinations by a man in your job. Never have we seen a vice president so casually wipe his ass with the Constitution, so unremorsefully wiretap the phones and read the mail of Americans, so passionately defend the indefensible policies of torture.
Weeks before the 2004 election, you insinuated that if John Kerry was elected president, the terrorists would win. You unveiled an uncanny ability to peddle paranoia and pimp fear like it was a prostitute. You now tell us that Iraq is rosy, but simultaneously say if we withdraw we are all going to die. Does your rhetoric ever wear thin, Mr. Cheney? Do you still believe the insurgency is in its last throes? Did you really think we would be greeted as liberators, when you stated that American soldiers would be showered with Iraqi gifts of flowers and chocolates? Or was it merely a lie? Do you sleep well, Mr. Cheney? Do you ever awake in the dead of night, sweaty and confounded, asking yourself, “How have flowers and chocolates killed so many of our troops?”
You remind me, Mr. Cheney, of the Tin Man from the “Wizard of Oz.” While his metal exterior masked his good nature, his compassion and undeniable decency showed through. You, however, are the reverse. Your religious, family man fa