I’m Going to Call Your Parents
Saturday, April 14, 12:25 a.m. – An officer on uniformed foot patrol was walking eastbound on the 6700 block of Del Playa Drive when he saw a “youthful” looking man walking toward him holding a plastic cup.

As the subject approached, the officer noted that the cup contained a frothy, amber substance, and stopped the man with the suspicion that he was carrying alcohol.

When the deputy asked the 18-year-old man what he was drinking, the subject looked offended and retorted, “A Heineken!”

The officer proceeded to inform the man that holding any beer at this location, even the suspect’s holy Heinie, was illegal, and began writing the subject a ticket for being a minor in possession of an open container.

As the deputy began questioning the beer snob, the man reported he had no ID and refused to reveal anything but his name – “Rick.”

In an attempt to discover the man’s true identity, the officer asked for the phone number of “Rick’s” parents, threatening to arrest the man if he did not provide his dad’s digits. Fortunately for the deputy, the subject then, revealed the phone number rather unwillingly.

As the officer prepared to ring up “Rick’s” father, the man gave decided to admit his real name before retracting his claim to the name “Rick.”

Once the officer had the man’s name and information, he stopped filling out the ticket – and instead arrested the man for providing false information to a peace officer before transporting him to the Santa Barbara County Jail.

Get Off Your Cell Phone
Saturday, April 14, 12:11 a.m. – A deputy was dispatched to the 6600 block of El Colegio Road to check on the welfare of a subject who was reportedly passed out in the bushes.

Upon arrival, the officer found a 19-year-old man lying on his side, semi-conscious and vomiting – while holding a cell phone near his face.

The deputy announced his presence and asked if the recumbent subject if he was OK. The man appeared confused and surprised, and suddenly began mumbling unintelligibly into his phone.

Then, the man handed the inactive phone to the officer and said, “Here, he wants to talk to you.”

The officer asked the man to put away his phone and again inquired whether or not the subject was all right. The man, still lying on his side spewing vomit, finally seemed to take note of what was being asked of him.

He told the deputy, “I’m way too drunk and I know it. I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. I know I’ve had too much to drink.”

The officer agreed that the man had overindulged in alcohol, and had him transferred to the Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital to check on his welfare before he was arrested and later transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail for public intoxication.

Don’t Stand So Close To Me
Sunday, April 15, 1:21 a.m. – Officers arrested a high school student who was visiting Isla Vista in a reported attempt to decide whether he should attend UCSB or Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.

While the man’s friend was being ticketed for carrying an open container of alcohol, the curious kid continued intervening, questioning the officer’s reasons for contacting his friend.

The deputy noted that the man was repeatedly brushing his body up against his own, so the officer eventually had to physically move the subject, who seemed unable to understand continuously violating the deputy’s personal space while he was investigating a crime.

The officer began questioning the man, who was also incapable of understanding his instructions to stand down.

The man said he had no driver license, but told the officer his name and said he was 21-years-old, listing his birthday as 3-25-1986.

When the deputy repeated the date to verify it, the subject said, “No, quit playing. 3-25-1986.”

The man repeated this behavior several times, adding, “No, stop playing with me! I’m fucking 3-25-1986.”

The officer then noticed a wallet in his back pocket, which contained an ID that provided the man’s actual age – 18. The man told the officer he was sorry and he only gave a false name because he did not want to get in trouble.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and providing false information to a peace officer, and was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.