The Traveling Pants Go to Jail
Friday, April 20, 11:47 p.m. – A deputy patrolling the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive observed a 20-year-old man stagger in front of him, bump into the rear of parked car and fall down backwards in the middle of the road.

The subject was alone and appeared to be talking on his cellular phone, and continued doing so even as he fell to the ground, making no effort to break his fall.

The officer reached down to help the man up and asked him if he were OK. The subject did not answer the deputy’s inquiry into his well being, but the delinquent’s duds spoke for him – his pants were torn in several places and were stained with several bodily fluids including urine, vomit and… other bodily fluids.

The man told the deputy he drank “enough to be drunk, about twelve beers,” before repeatedly saying, “I’m drunk – I know I’m drunk.”

The man apparently did not know much else as he was unable to follow basic commands and could not remember falling to the ground, where he was going or where his friends were.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Come On and Take a Free Ride
Friday, April 20, 10:57 p.m. – Officers walking westbound on the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive noticed an 18-year-old woman stumble in same direction.

The woman appeared to be safe as she was in the company of a large group of people, and was hanging onto two men to maintain her balance.

But in a moment of defiance, she struck out on her own to forge a new path, and walked around the corner of a building as her friends disappeared into the hazy abyss.

Fearing for the woman’s safety, the deputies approached the building and began looking for her, when she appeared with her skirt pulled up around her waist.

When an officer asked the woman what she was doing, she bluntly replied, “taking a piss.”

The deputy illuminated the ground with his flashlight, and confirmed the leaky lady’s declaration when he observed a fresh puddle of urine slowly creeping toward him.

After relocating out of the projected path of the piss, the officers began questioning the woman who said she had had several shots of Captain Morgan.

The officer asked the woman if she consumed alcohol on a regular basis, and with her characteristically candid confession she told the officer, “Only when it’s free.”

The freeloading female managed to get herself a ride courtesy of the police to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed, pending sobriety.

Five Points for the Girl on the Bike
Saturday, April 21, 11:35 p.m. – A patrolling deputy observed a 19-year-old man leave a party on the 6600 block of DP repeatedly shouting, “Fuck the Po-Po!”

The subject was walking with the assistance of another partygoer who was holding him up.

Once they made it to the street, the man began walking by himself and bumped into several people before running into an innocent bystander who was attempting to get on her bicycle.

The man successfully knocked the woman off her bike and to the ground before the deputy stepped in and arrested him for public intoxication.

The subject was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.