In honor of the sexiest college holiday, this 4/20 we have decided to get together for a night of smoking weed, watching sick episodes of “Planet Earth” and having some dirty sex – at least in the deep and dark corners of Jeff’s creepy mind. His impressive ability to clear bowls with ease leaves his mind hazy and full of perverse thoughts, but Jenny’s deep and dark crevices were itching for a big sticky nug. We were left with no other choice but to combine our reputable writing talents and light a match on the discussion of how marijuana creates a primal urge to get it on.
Some of Jenny’s best dates have included bowl after bowl of dank weed, a Will Ferrell movie and taking it to the bedroom for some stony goodies. Unfortunately, last time she decided to make a smoke-fest sexual, things went from hot and heavy to just silly when her sexy partner got a mad case of the giggles and fell apart. Although her sexual desires were not satisfied, the whole situation was so funny that she, too, fell into hysterics. If you can laugh at yourself when you’re stark naked and unable to perform, it shows you have the sense of humor not to take yourself – or your sex life – too seriously.
Speaking of performance problems, for all the heightened senses your body experiences during stony sex, there are still a few setbacks to getting baked before humping. Sometimes your man may suffer from temporary impotence, or your lady might become drier than the old schwag you picked up in T.J. The whole experience, from foreplay to climax, is slower and more time consuming than if you were sober. Being a fan of slow and sensual sex, Jenny finds that taking your time to hit every mark makes sex infinitely more satisfying – not to mention that the feeling of every touch and lick is drastically enhanced by your high. Jeff’s sexual appetite leans more toward the fast lane, but he agrees that the two highs combine for a pleasure more divine. It is this heavenly sensation that leaves you begging for more, completely disregarding the monotony of your surroundings. You feel lost in your partner’s shared exclusion, promoting exhibition within your intimate nutshell, now climaxed to the apex of the ceiling.
Weed has been called a gateway drug, but the only gateway is to lowering your inhibitions, increasing your comfort level and creating the perfect atmosphere for a romp. The high helps to calm your nerves, leaving you more open-minded to new and interesting positions and sex toys that you may otherwise be too shy to try out.
Jeff enjoys adding a little green into the mix. If a chick can’t wait to get in your pants before you’re done rolling that fatty, late-night spliff, just pull her hand off your lap and promise her some spontaneous smoking in the sack. Sure, you’ll have to make sure you don’t drop ash on her ass, but think about all the possible positions you can pass from. And if your partner enjoys long, hard paraphernalia instead, why not propose a venture down under to complement that bong load she’s packing? But, attention stoner freaks, make sure your mate is down before you pop Mary’s cherry; you might end up waking up to the smell of the bong water that has now soaked in your mattress. If said marijuana virgins have trouble choking down the thick cannabis smoke, delicious edibles provide an intense body high that’s tingly to the touch; even the lightest strokes or kisses would be enough to send a super stony body high into the arena of a full-blown orgasm.
Sex in the bright morning is far superior to sex during any other time of the day. Both partners are alert and hopefully excited from some dirty dreams. Plus, everything showcased in early morning sunlight provides another visual stimulus to get things wet and hard, as opposed to being hidden away in a dark room. While Jenny usually rolls over to reach for her partner’s morning wood to the rouse of her alarm clock, most stoners rise in search of a grinder, papers and that fucking forlorn lighter – white Bic bastard. So why not combine the two? Turn your wake and bake into a shake and bake.