This story appears as part of the Daily Nexus’ 2007 April Fools’ issue.
The McPhever has moved on, the silver fox has slinked out of the spotlight and the Claymates are safely confined to middle America, leaving “American Idol” fans everywhere desperate for a new face to fawn over – enter Chancellor Henry T. Yang. Known throughout UCSB as that guy who wanders the streets during Halloween, Yang has been secretly harboring a passion for performing all his life.
“Singing professionally is something I always wanted to try,” Yang said. “During my early days as a student studying civil engineering at National Taiwan University, I was always sneaking off to the karaoke bars whenever I got a chance. Back then, nothing was as satisfying as the sensation of belting out a classic Beach Boys hit to a bar full of my fellow music-lovers. Plus, the ladies were great.”
Yang said he was inspired to audition for “American Idol,” arguably one of the most popular television shows in America, after a little-known turn as Puppet #3 in Broadway’s critically-acclaimed hit “Avenue Q” last summer reignited his desire to pursue a performing career.
“It reminded me how much I love to perform,” Yang said. “When I heard that ‘American Idol’ was hosting auditions in Los Angeles, I just knew I had to give myself the opportunity to attend and let the world see what I could do with a microphone and a pop standard.”
“American Idol’s” judges were indeed impressed with Yang’s abilities, so much so that they offered him a coveted spot in the show’s roster of finalists – guaranteeing that he will have a chance to compete for the title of American Idol.
“He was wonderful. I would even go so far as to say he was Yangtastic,” judge Paula Abdul said of Yang’s performance before passing out in a puddle of her own drool. According to the show’s doctors, Paula’s narcolepsy was a side effect of pain medication she took after suffering a back injury during a recent rendezvous with her old paramour M.C. Skat Kat, with whom she recorded the 1988 hit “Opposites Attract.”
Judge Simon Cowell was not as kind as Abdul during Yang’s audition.
“He was rubbish, absolute rubbish,” Cowell said. “But he did fill out those trousers rather well. Seacrest, take notes. This man is going to be a star in ways you can’t even begin to imagine, you bloody bleach-haired tool.”
When asked to comment on all the drama surrounding his audition, Yang was resolutely diplomatic.
“For me, it’s all about the music,” Yang said. “Once we get on the set of that show, it’s all about being real, being genuine and being willing to leave all the drama outside so that we can concentrate on the music. If there’s one thing ‘American Idol’ stands for, it’s the show’s dedication to innovative and high-quality musical performances.”
Yang said he will continue to fulfill his duties as UCSB’s chancellor, despite his participation in the television show. His wife Dilling said she considers it her job to make sure he keeps that promise.
“Someone has to pay the bills,” Dilling Yang said. “Reality television won’t put food on the table.”
Pundits are already predicting that Yang’s foray into the fine art of reality television will be a success, with the folks on television’s most important harbinger of taste and culture – MTV’s “Total Request Live” – proclaiming that Yang is guaranteed to be a hit.
According to Yang, it’s still too early to tell whether his career is destined to skyrocket like former “Idol” alumni such as music industry heavyweights Justin Guarini, Bo Bice and Fantasia Barrino.
“Just because you’re talented doesn’t mean you’re going to make it,” Yang said. “It takes hard work and perseverance to succeed in this industry. But I’m willing to give it everything I got. I hope that serves as a lesson to my students at UCSB – sometimes you just have to follow your dreams.”