This story appears as part of the Daily Nexus’ 2007 April Fools’ issue.

With UCLA’s 100th NCAA Championship on the table yesterday, the #1 UC Santa Barbara beer pong team handed the #5 Bruins their biggest loss of the season in the final game of the 2007 NCAA Beer Pong Tournament in Isla Vista, Calif. The Gauchos, who had arguably the toughest tournament schedule of any top seeded team heading into the final four, avoided the upset from #3 Chico in the semifinals to advance to the final game Sunday.

Junior left-hander Timothy Dre helped UCSB (38-6 overall, 20-0 in the Big West) get on top early, sinking his first three shots before the southpaw narrowly missed a bouncer that found its way past the unsuspecting Bruin (30-11) defense.

UCLA was able to cut the deficit to one after sinking two shots on the ensuing possession, but the bring-back proved useless as senior swatter Mpong a Moute and junior lefthander Darth Richard both air-balled over all eight cups.

“[The Bruins] were swaying after two beers,” Dre said. “I knew we had the tolerance to go far in this tournament. I just didn’t figure the other schools would have been the lightweights that they were. I mean, winning six games in a row happens all the time in Isla Vista. We just happened to do it against the nation’s best.”

Santa Barbara quickly capitalized on UCLA’s inebriated mistakes by plopping down two bring-backs on a drive that seized five cups from the Bruins and gave the Gauchos a gigantic 8-2 lead.

After a prolonged dispute with the tableside referee concerning elbow enforcement, the Bruins hit rim on consecutive shots before being booed profusely by the surrounding Del Playa beach crowd.

“That punk Richard was trying to argue that my elbow was going past the table,” Dre said. “I told him he’d better concentrate more on standing up straight.”

Sophomore right-hander Arc Devine continued to demonstrate the impenetrable defense he exuded all season long, not allowing a Bruin bounce shot past his reach, and was crucial in the closing shots of the game where he deflected three sloppy UCLA bounces.

Dre closed the game for UCSB, sinking back-to-back shots to give the Gauchos their third NCAA national championship – the beer pong programs’ first ever.

“I wish we had the chance to drink more,” Devine said. “I don’t even think I had a buzz going. Near the end I had to steal a forty from some bro in the crowd. UCLA wasn’t going to get me drunk, so I had to take matters into my hands.”