Wanted: Job post-graduation that involves travel, romance and massive piles of cash. Salary of $100,000 or more per year. No boss, unless very attractive. Need 51 weeks vacation and one sick week – all of which are paid. Yacht privileges acceptable. Gun range privileges a must.

Tuesday’s Forecast: UCSB Counseling & Career Services makes up some excuse about not being able to help the ‘human find its dream job.