A few weeks ago I had an interesting idea. I thought, “What would it be like to inject vodka? Would I get drunk really fast? Could I pass a Breathalyzer test? Would I fall over and die?” I found out the answers are stupid, yes, no and maybe.

I decided that before I grabbed a syringe and some SKYY, I should do a little research. I began to ask friends and family members if they knew anyone who had tried injecting alcohol. My dad just laughed and told me I was an idiot. My mom gave me one of those disappointed, are-you-fucking-serious? looks. You know, the look only a loving mother can give you after you tell her you borrowed the car to drive you and your friends to 7-Eleven, but you were only 10 years old. Or you tell her that you got suspended from school because your teacher was the unlucky recipient of a poo dollar during a lunchtime prank. Basically, Mom wasn’t havin’ it.

Even my good UCSB drinking mates were looking at me like I was a moron. Friends that have done stupid things like snorting lines of Nesquik told me that I was a dumbass for considering this. Many of them told me it was impossible, deadly and to never try it. However, one friend offered me a syringe. My girlfriend even threatened to withhold sex if I tried injecting vodka. I slowly began to realize that I should at least consult more sources before attempting such a crazy feat.

I began searching the Internet and found many forums and articles regarding injecting vodka. Everyone that had tried injecting vodka said it was horrible and to never try it. All the hospital reports of people that admitted to injecting alcohol explained that these people usually were dependant on other drugs, such as heroin and opioid. They injected alcohols like vodka, sherry, whiskey and beer mainly because they enjoyed the injection itself. They all stated that it got them drunk very quickly, but it burned and turned red at the injection site. One man tried it because he thought he could get away with driving drunk since the alcohol was not on his breath. Unfortunately for him, Breathalyzers can detect alcohol even if it is injected rather than taken orally.

People that admitted to injecting alcohol said that it stings and then hurts for days. Many of them said that they felt an unpleasant drunkenness for a couple of hours. During this state, they felt angry and wanted to commit violent acts. The drunken stage ended with violent and painful puking.

After reading many stories of heroin addicts saying that injecting alcohol was awful, I decided to stick with drinking booze for now. Although I will not inject vodka into myself, an interesting alternative is injecting vodka into citrus fruit. You can stick the syringe through the skin of an orange and slowly inject vodka throughout the orange. It almost tastes like a screwdriver, and you can even eat it in public without anyone knowing.

If you have ever thought of injecting alcohol as I have, you probably shouldn’t do it. But if you do, let me know because I want to watch.