It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. And much like Mr. Rogers, I am sure that you’re dreaming of that first ride around this neighborhood’s paths with your brand-spanking new bike. But before you pull out on that cruiser with the girly little basket and clog up the bike path for those more experienced riders – such as the humble scribes here at the Daily Nexus – here are a few words of wisdom.
Tip 1: Ride the damn bike before you get to campus. I know that you guys are experts at everything, but those bike-riding skills can get rusty, and the bike path at 9 a.m. on Sept. 28 is no time to get that much-needed practice.
Tip 2: You do not have to slow down for people at crosswalks. Contrary to popular belief, bikes have the right of way here on campus. So if King Friday decides to walk to class and you cream him and his crown in front of everyone by Storke Tower, you will be completely justified in raining down destruction on him for getting in your way.
Speaking of Storke Tower, here is Tip 3: The traffic circles are not that complicated. As you get close, know where you need to go. Don’t slow down and stop right at the entrance to figure out whether you need to continue straight or go left. Also, make sure to look up. Make eye contact with the person you have to merge with. Most likely if they see you, they will speed up or slow down to make room for you, or you can speed up to get in front of them. By just being aware of the traffic circle, you can navigate it with ease, and you won’t have to worry about stopping at the entrance and subsequently causing everyone behind you to have a massive collision causing death, destruction, rioting and possibly looting.
Tip 4: When you ride perpendicular to the Pardall Tunnel – for those of you who haven’t taken college-level geometry, that means you are crossing in front of people going to and from campus or into and out of Isla Vista – slow down! The people riding from the tunnel and vice versa have the right of way, and if you do not want yours truly – who rides faster than the Speedy Delivery Man – to slam into you and run you over, you better slow down and let them go by.
Tip 5: Learn how to park and lock your bike. Do not think you are so special that you can park your cute little cruiser wherever you please. Because when you do, and the Angels in Yellow – Community Service Officers, or CSOs – come and impound your bike for not parking it in a rack, everyone else gets a warm fuzzy feeling of satisfaction knowing that you now have to walk down to the police station and pay the 30 bucks to get your bike back. Speaking of parking, when you park your bike, lock it to the rack, not to itself. Locking it to the rack makes it much harder to steal, because when you lock it to itself, you make it extremely easy for the villains among us to simply pick the thing up and walk away with it.
If you follow these few simple tips for riding on the bike path, you’ll avoid being run over or running over some one. Practice some common sense out on the bike path, and everyone will want to be your neighbor.