When Irish Eyes Are Red

Friday, June 16, 12:20 a.m. — Two officers walking southbound on El Embarcadero near Del Playa Drive saw a woman carrying a silver metal can.

After noticing the officers, the woman turned and began to walk away down DP. Officers yelled at the woman to stop, but being a quick-thinking lass, she ignored them and continued walking, then threw the can into the nearby bushes.

Officers caught up to the woman, detained her, and retrieved the beer can from the plants. The suspect turned out to be an Irish citizen visiting the area for a while, and she said she dropped the can because passersby had told her to do so.

Unfortunately, passersby did not tell her she would be getting a citation for an open container as well as for destruction of evidence, but fortunately, the officers did. After receiving her citations, the woman was released at the scene.

They’re Always After His Lucky Citation Book

Friday, June 16, 1:41 a.m. — Officers near Camino Pescadero and Del Playa Drive saw a man holding a plastic water bottle filled with an orange colored liquid.

Being astute researchers of the Isla Vista native’s ways, the officers approached the man to see if the bottle contained some sort of alcoholic mixture. The suspect confirmed their suspicions, saying his drink was a concoction of vodka and orange juice.

It was perhaps the twinkle in his eye, the accent, or more likely his passport that gave away the Irish citizenry of the suspect. As such, the man argued with officers, saying he should not receive an open container citation because he had recently come to the States and did not know it was illegal. He further explained that the bottle had just been handed to him and that he could not afford the fine.

The officer writing the citation told him to plead his case before the judge, and that his hands were tied. The officer handed the man his citation book to sign the slip.

Meanwhile, two males approximately 10 feet from the officer were causing a disturbance, drawing the attention of the officer away from the suspect. The man took this as an opportunity and began sneaking away from the scene. The officer turned back and yelled, “Stop, police!” at the man, who dropped the officer’s citation book and ran down Camino Pescadero.

The wind was on the lad’s back and the street lights shone warm upon his face, but the rain of the officer’s hands did not fall softly, but in fact brought the man down to the ground in front of 6583 Sabado Tarde Road. The officer put the suspect on his stomach and handcuffed his hands behind his back.

The man was transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, but this is not where the tale ends.

The officer went looking for his lost citation book, but all he found was the crumbled up remains of the citation he had given to the suspect. While no evidence points to this theory, the citation book was very likely taken by leprechauns to be put in their pot of gold.

To Thy Own Self Be Forgetful

Friday, June 17, 12:31 — Officers on bike patrol heard loud music coming from 6745 Trigo Road, which was serving as venue to a party of about 100 guests.

After walking about 100 feet away from the property line, officers were still able to clearly hear the music, and therefore decided to write the hosts a citation for violating the noise ordinance.

One of the officers approached a man at the party, and said he was looking for a resident of the place. The man said he was not a resident, then said he was a resident. The officer asked for a California driver license, which the man said he did not have.

The officer said he needed to speak with a resident who had an ID, but the man said he did not know any of the residents. The officer again asked if the man was a resident, and the man repeated he was not a resident. He then changed his mind again and announced that he was a resident.

Instead of waiting for the man to make up his mind, the officer asked him to step outside, which he refused to do. The officer secured the man’s wrist to take him outside, but he pulled his arm away. The officer secured the man’s wrist again to take him outside, and again he pulled away.

At this point, the officer put the man’s arm behind his back and escorted him outside to the driveway. While the officer returned inside to issue the noise citation, the man became abusive, and refused to provide identification. Another man brought his friend’s expired driver’s license out for the officer.

The confused man continued to be uncooperative, at which point the officer arrested him for delaying a police officer. As they waited for a transport to the Santa Barbara County Jail, the officer explained to the man why he had been arrested, to which the man eventually replied, “I’m sorry for all of that. Please let me go with a ticket.”

The officer said he could not, so the man said, “I’m going to jail anyway, so fuck you. Fuck you, fag. You’re a fucking fag.” He then spit at the officer — upping the ante to assault on a police officer.

Once a transport arrived, the officer took the man to the car, where he began to physically resist. An unknown person threw a beer can, and a crowd formed and started chanting at the officers. When they began to drive away, several more beer cans were thrown.

The man was then driven to the Santa Barbara County Jail.

— Compiled by Kaitlin Pike