Valentine’s Day must have been really fun for all you sweet, doting couples out there. Champagne, a few chocolate covered strawberries, maybe a little cuddling and a little love makin’ — if you’re into that sort of thing.

But hold on — there’s something lackluster in your boyfriend’s eyes. Maybe he was expecting something else, something more…

Trust me. It’s anal.

After all, he’s a man: He likes sticking it in things. Your bum would be the perfect bookend to a youth spent sticking his penis in bizarre household objects.

There’s no need to be afraid of anal: Plenty of people do it and enjoy it. If you’re comfortable with your partner and a bit curious, you should consider just talking it out casually. It’s important that you don’t force anal sex onto your partner by being emphatic about your need to have anal: Pushing too hard for something can end the conversation forever. And don’t be a whiny bitch. Don’t say anything akin to “It’s not a big deal” or “Everyone is doing it” or anything even remotely similar, because you aren’t taking your partner’s needs into account, you’re just forcing your ideas on them. Any type of sex should make its way into your lives organically and comfortably for both parties involved.

Getting started is always an interesting process. If you are slow to come around to the idea of anal, then maybe a little light play is necessary to broaden your comfort zone with the area. Perhaps a pinky during oral sex, graduate to a finger during intercourse, you get the picture. This kind of exploration is pleasurable without being too invasive or painful. And, if you like it, there’s plenty more where that came from…

If you start warming up to the idea of anal intercourse, then you should consider all the various toys geared toward backdoor enjoyment. The list is a mile long, and most you’ve probably heard of before: Anal beads, butt plugs, various dildos and vibrators, among other things. These are all great ways to get you acclimated to the size and girth of a regular penis, or to figure out if you would even want to take it that far.

If you still want to do it (and I knew you’d come around), it’s time to give it the old college try. I would recommend a thousand times over if you are receiving it for the first time to do it with someone you are comfortable with and who you can trust to go slow when you need it. And there is the trick: Go slow. Slow and drenched with lube. If you go too fast too soon, you’ll be dealing with some nasty stuff on your hands, I can promise you that.

Also, condoms are a great idea. Things move easier, and, because STDs are more easily transferred during anal intercourse than vaginal intercourse, condoms become a necessary accessory.

“The first time is cool,” a source has told me. “We’re not talking ‘Disney on Ice’ magical, but cool.” It may take a few times to get the hang of it, but once the two of you do, you will be able to explore various positions and angles that will make it more pleasurable for the both of you.

A few helpful hints — It’s always nice to take a shower before and after attempting this, for obvious reasons. And don’t allow that penis anywhere near any of your other orifices after it’s done with its business and before it is washed thoroughly. That is one horrific infection just waiting to happen. Above all, communicate. It’s okay to take a break or save it for another day. If you keep going against your better judgment, you will probably walk around the rest of the day in pain looking like you have, in fact, been fucked in the ass.

College is about exploration and learning about yourself; and Valentine’s Day is about sharing and sex, so why not combine all four and dabble in a little anal? You can salvage Valentine’s Day for your man-friend yet. So what if the gift is a little belated? The moment you mention anal, his little eyes will light up like a kid in a candy store… Or a horny twenty-something who just got offered anal. Same thing.

Daily Nexus sex columnist Nina Love Anthony gave Mickey Mouse the shocker when she was a child.