The ‘human was vastly misinformed when it was told that there was a Subway at the new liquor store-esque Arbor. On the contrary, there was nary a sub to be bought, just a line of patient fools that failed to realize a lineless Subway resided a mere two minute bike ride away.

Thursday’s forecast: The ‘human becomes famous by losing 200 pounds drinking six calorie beers and making terrible (and pointless) columns about it in the weatherbox for years to come. Talk about milking the weathergut’s glory, woooo!