I have better things to do than care about post-election Democratic stress disorder. Sure, it was delightful and satisfying to see so many people suffer from their own elitist delusions, but now the tantrums are getting a little sad and, well, annoying.

See, it’s usually the rest of us who are forced to suffer from the elitist delusions of liberals. While Barbara Streisand and Alec Baldwin were making, unfortunately, unfulfilled promises to leave the country a few years ago, Gov. Grey Davis was running California – out of California – with 600,000 working citizens moving out in his last two years. They couldn’t withstand the leftist economic policies of massive taxation and regulation that stifled their ability to produce wealth and, hence, bankrupted the state. Streisand and Baldwin, of course, could afford to withstand such policies.

That’s an example of the grand elitist delusion, that politicians have the right to take money from the people who created it and give it to those who didn’t – and that such coercion would lead to an ideal society. It doesn’t even help the disadvantaged since most tax money goes to bureaucrats and interest groups. That’s why even public assistance is best taken care of by private means. Private charities, like church and community organizations, have been the only effective agencies in helping the needy. They have the added benefit of being voluntary instead of forced.

While liberals are busy convincing themselves that “moral values” means homophobia, the 2004 Generosity Index shows that the top-25 states whose citizens gave the greatest percentage of their income to charity all voted for Bush. The top seven are in the South. Contrast this with the tendency of liberals to put everyone else’s money where their mouth is, and you can see what Republicans mean by “personal responsibility,” and why they consider it a moral value.

Unable to understand that simple consistency, the left, in its post-election pout-a-palooza, is only reinforcing its own delusions, whose age-old fallacies still pervade the media and academe and rig the terms of national debate. Sorry if I don’t pity the fools.

You shouldn’t either, especially if you’re young. As a young American, you are a victim of one of the biggest delusional scams in our country’s history: social security. What could be more elitist than the idea that the government knows how to invest your money better than you do? Beyond that, social security is a total pyramid scheme that’s now crumbling to the sand. Unless Bush succeeds in privatization, everyone under 65 will likely get a negative return on what they pay in. The younger you are, the less you’ll get back. Even an average stock portfolio in 1930-39, when the private sector was at its all-time worst, would have made 2.27 percent per year. Only those who’ve swallowed the key to their own mental lockbox could continue to support such a program.

I have no sympathy for those grieving, those whose intense anger at Bush is delusional in and of itself. Sad as it is, Bush has domestically acted far more liberally than Clinton did. The last four years have been an orgy of Republicans adopting Democratic approaches to issues. Nowhere is it clearer than in Washington that every elephant has an ass.

That said, I can understand some liberal worries. But just because you can understand why a retard is ramming his helmet into you doesn’t make it any less annoying. When liberal actresses go on the air and express their fear that abortion will now become illegal, they’re just being paranoid.

I say that as someone who is pro-choice. Trust me, if there were any possibility that people like Jeanine Garofalo wouldn’t be able to abort potential offspring, nobody would be more concerned than I.

Alec Mouhibian is an undeclared sophomore.