Hold back, press forward with a strong punch and, just like that, “Sonic boom!”
Dear god, what a move. And believe me, kids, there was nobody in the arcade, and I mean nobody, who could sonic boom like I could. I’d charge through 30 kids at the arcade with my super move like they were Anna Nicole at a Xenadrine-only Sizzler – they just kept coming and coming.
As I grew older, I traded in the joystick for… er… well, I guess, the other joystick. And life in the bedroom is just like life in the arcade: Everyone can put their quarters in the right spot, but if you really want to shine, you’ve got to have that super move at your disposal.
For me, the precision required to toss those sonic booms at just the right time led to the hand-eye coordination that would give me the ability to twist and twirl my girlfriend’s unmentionables so breathtakingly. My sonic boom these days is my ability to reach down, no matter what position, vehicle or restaurant we are in and bust that move until she’s telling me “I owe you one.” I’ve got those hands, my man, and they’re what make my time with the little lady so unique.
But what about you? Where is your super move? Action in the bedroom is pretty standard, and after you do it a few times, I think we all pretty much have the idea. I mean, it’s not rocket surgery [O1]to take off your pants, give or receive a few thrusts, and be on your merry way. But unfortunately for many of you out there, sex has become just that: the bare basics. People going out at night looking just to hook up, get theirs and hit the road are destined to be forgotten in the PG-13 mediocrity of lame lays.
How many partners have you had that you remember, but maybe don’t remember anything that special with? They might’ve been good lovers, maybe even great ones, but without that super move – that claim to fame and stamp of individuality on those naughty maneuvers – their love will most likely be remembered for what it did for you, not what they did to you.
Lovers with a super move don’t just use it for the sake of using it – we use it because sex is reciprocal. If you show somebody the time of their life, and they see you are enjoying it just as much as they are, then that love is going to come back to you later that night.
If you want to have the kind of sex that makes people call out to a higher power, that makes people speak a foreign language, if you want to wake up with nail marks across your back, it’s not what you’re doing to your partner – it’s how well you’re doing it.
It could be a tongue that Gene Simmons would be proud of. I don’t know why going down on a girl is more taboo than a girl giving me head, but fellas, don’t be afraid of the vagina. The vagina has always been so good to us – it was the first thing we saw when we were born, for Chrissake. If you’ve got the skills, if you know exactly what to lick and how to lick it, show her what you’re made of.
Think of how much you love getting good head, then try to understand that most girls love getting good head even more than you do. And how much do guys like getting incredible oral sex? Helen of Troy could deep throat – that’s how much.
The mouth and your hands are just the tip of the super-move iceberg. It could be something you wear that he’ll never forget, something you say while you’re doing it – it can be anything that makes your love special and badass.
Daily Nexus sex columnist Dave Franzese’s super move isn’t just super. It’s secret.