Our cheerleading team is having tryouts soon. I’m told you’re guaranteed a spot on the squad if you can name one UCSB team worth cheering about.

Just kidding. We have a fine athletic program. It’s just that when I think cheerleaders, I think football. And when I think football, I think, “Why didn’t I go to a real college?”

Tuesday’s forecast: The weatherhuman does not endorse the formation of a UCSB football team. Getting to the front of an IV keg line is hard enough already.