Editor’s Note: This article appeared as part of our April’s Fools issue.
I love spring!!! Have you ever just opened your Jetta sunroof on a spring day and thought, “Yowsa! This season totally kicks winter’s ass!”? I sure have; I can tell you that much!! But you know what I like even more than seasonal climate changes? Fashion!!! That’s right, nothing sends me more into a hysteric flurry than the annual unveiling of mega-hot spring fashions. I can finally get out my Yaffa Block organizational bins and fill them to the brim with the suffocating turtlenecks and tights I’ve been dying to stuff away for another year. Hooray, I say!!!
But next comes the daunting part: assembling a truly kick-butt spring wardrobe. As I strolled State Street the other day and visited my usual haunts, like Urban, Pierre and The Grit, I felt as though I was only seeing the same four or five looks again and again. Seriously, girls, how many teeny ruffly skirts, pairs of colored Uggs or two-tone Von Dutch hats can one girl really own? And boys! It’s like an endless sea of Volcom stones and neon-colored Hurley shirts. One word, people: bo-ring! !!
Disheartened, I settled on a cute pair of Sevens (my Blue Cults were way thrashed!) in the same wash I already own and decided to treat myself to a Diet Coke before my afternoon spinning class. I was sipping away, with visions of a barren closet in my head, when my eyes drifted to the movie theater across the street and took note of the marquee listing show times for the blockbuster mega-hit “The Passion of the Christ.” A promotional poster was stuck up in the window and after a few moments of intense staring at the stud-a-licious actor Jim Caveziel as Jesus, it hit me: What could be hotter than pushing an entirely new angle on this spring’s style and showcasing some of our earliest trendsetters? And then it was born… Passion Fashion! Hallelujah!!!
It is with great pride that I announce the spring 2004 “Passion Fashion” line designed by yours truly, with the help of some creative pals of mine. I feel like it takes bits and pieces of what style-savvy types like myself appreciate and effectively marries it with the biblical significance that’s been missing from fashion. Here, we see hip, easy-to-wear looks modeled after Jesus, Mary, the prophets and even Pontius Pilate! The fabrics, mostly burlap and twine, allow for cost-conscious shoppers to indulge and can be easily washed without the hassle of dry-cleaning or even soap! Sure, they’re a little on the scratchy side, but everyone can do with some exfoliation every now and then, ya know?! These looks can take you from a game of b-ball to a ragin’ DP party with your pals, even for a glammed-up night on the town! And, hey, who’s really gonna knock on your “Mary” look without feeling like a total dipshit? No one, that’s who!!! So, I say, hit up my website: www.passionfashion.com and embrace the Lord in style! Yay!!