People generally enjoy getting what they want. When it comes to anything sexual, the physical rewards are well worth going out and seeking a partner for some naughty nighttime nookie. But we all know that getting everything we want, especially if our desires of the moment happen to include sexual favors, is not always easy.

Finding candidates for a little saliva-swapping or bumping uglies can be difficult if the prospects are not approached in the right manner. Unless you are dating someone, it is difficult to keep diving into one pool of people looking to get laid. However, there is an understated wealth of potential one-night stands practically begging to be utilized almost every weekend. Out-of-towners are just the resource needed to get those genital juices flowing.

Much like doing research at our own UCSB library, sometimes the resources we need are available here, and other times we must contact outside sources in order to have our needs met. Luckily, getting a hot piece of ass is a lot more gratifying than doing research for an essay.

The process is relatively simple: You check out these visitors, identify what you like, find out if that person is as horny as you are and the rest is history. Next thing you know, you will be humping like jackrabbits. Picture a group of your friends’ homies coming into town one weekend for instance. If you strike up a romance with one of them from the beginning by being extra attentive and flirtatious, everything will fall into place.

Out-of-towners are usually stoked to be privilege to such a hook-up because it makes their visit much more exciting. If you are traveling to visit a good friend, you are already going to be enthusiastic about being there, so getting laid is just icing on the cake, or perhaps icing on the cock in this case.

And the fun of this theory does not have to end there. It works both ways: You can take advantage of it if you travel to visit a friend in another city. In fact, it is even more advantageous for you in that situation because more choices are available. People are looking at you as the mysterious and sexually capable visitor.

Both of the participants are automatically relieved of the pressure of ever having to see each other again if they don’t want to. For instance, you go out of town and sleep with a one-pump chump – how embarrassing for him. Luckily, he will never have to face you again. And if you have a soul, his friends will never have to know about it either. Hell, you can even get the dirt on these out-of-towners before they come – or before you arrive – so you know who to avoid in advance.

Like any good theory, however, this one has its disadvantages as well. What if your friends don’t want you to hook up with one of their friends? What if it turns out that all the ones you are attracted to have significant others? How about having a roommate who only has friends from home that have intense gas, bowel movement problems or leprosy?

Clearly these “what ifs” do not always apply, but if you like to gamble, you could end up being the next huge winner. I have utilized this theory so many times that my friends now let me know about visitors well in advance so that I can prepare myself. It is quite vagina-tingling to turn to a visitor and be able to say something like, “So, do you want to go back to my place and hook up?”

If you don’t consider yourself adventurous enough to be so direct, you could simply dance around the issue until the truth sneaks its way out somehow. “So what do you think would make the trip this weekend better?” It will almost always lead to a skin-slapping good time or at least a funny story for each of you to tell your respective housemates after the trip.

The point is – out-of-towners come here to party all the time, so you might as well help throw a party in their pants. If you keep in mind the motto “go big or go home,” go big has the serious potential to equal “O” big. Think about it.