Did you hear about the lady who got trampled at Wal-mart by maniacs in pursuit of DVD players on sale for $30? It’s another example of how we’ve forgotten what the holiday is supposed to be about-I doubt any of those people would have slowed down even if JC Himself were standing between them and that bargain.

At least we know He would rise again. But so will those prices at Wal-mart, so get the fuck out of the way, Jesus!

Holiday forecast: Isn’t it cool how the new houses of worship have McDonald’s inside?