This past weekend the AS President at Berkeley got busted for public drunkenness and fleed from the cops, and our AS President played the hero by convincing a killa-to-be to drop her knife.

Just another victory for us over those snooty kids up north who think just because their school is the oldest that they get to represent “Cal.” We’ve got a more upstanding president, better weather, and more kids with enough sense to realize that printing fliers can’t save the fucking planet.

Wait a minute. Their leader was out on a Saturday getting shitfaced while ours was negotiating with someone wielding a goddamned butter knife. Who’s the hero?

It all goes to show that the weatherhuman ought to be put in charge. I got drunk and buttered up this weekend.

Wednesday’s forecast: A lot of people wondering what I mean by “buttered up,” and me chuckling softly while I remember it.