Today is the day the bodybuilders, porn stars, midgets and politicians will battle for the prize–and that’s only at the famous Tuesday Twister Tournament at the weathercave.

Tomorrow we turn off the Davis machine and begin our time under our new fearless android leader. It should be quite a day. Government agencies will go door-to-door repossessing the excess fat off of overweight schoolchildren, and Arnold will begin his journey across the state to ensure that no fine ass goes un-slapped.

Tuesday’s forecast: Hasta la vista, integrity.