Editor’s Note: This story appeared as part of an April Fools issue.
The Islavistingham Recreation and Park Druids met Monday night to approve and finalize the design for the proposed Stonehenge Park.
The park was proposed last May as a monument to soldiers who lost their lives in the Crusades. The park will consist of 20-foot-tall stone pillars, arranged to make gateways facing each of the cardinal directions. The paths between the pillars will be of crushed gravel and will lead to a fountain in the middle of the park, which will be used for public bathing in honour of the cleansed souls of the dead.
Lord William of Stoles, executive druid, said he is pleased with the finished design.
“Methinks the plan is most splendid; the hamlet shall surely rejoice,” Lord William said. “Tis of utmost importance we hold remembrance for the courageous martyrs who perished defending the Holy Land from those god-less heathens.”
The progress of the park’s development has been hindered by the inability of the Islavistingham Druids to remain sober long enough to make steadfast decisions.
“Each meeting we must first discusseth the prior meeting to recall the events. We discover we had been too inebriated to get done with the agenda, so we tap the barrel and begin all over,” Lady Konne, druid boardmember, said. “Mayhap we have finally devised a plan to keep the druids dry and get this park done with.”
Lady Konne said Chancellor Henry VIII intervened in the proceedings of the druid meetings.
“Ale is forbidden and we are not allowed to leave the building until the agenda is complete,” His Grace said.
The plan was quite a success and the druids have been able to come to a consensus on the design of the park.
Construction of the park will begin as soon as Islavistingham Public Works can find temporary replacement labor for the workers who died during the plague outbreak.
“Verily, we have lost much man-power this past year, but we hopeth to attract fresh workers with pay raises and lunch privileges,” Sir Mason of Blake, director of public works, said.
Stonehenge Park is scheduled to open before the end of the Hundred Years War.