“Man, I need to get laid.” Walking down DP on a Saturday night, this might be a typical comment for a frat boy. However, when driving your somewhat neurotic frat brother back to Berkeley in the middle of the night with only farm animals in sight, you might get a little uneasy.
The neurotic frat brother, known as “the Beave,” was from the Dakotas and had a notable sexual appetite. He had a vast array of porn that adorned his room, covering every subject from latex bondage to a canine penis.
A few miles down the road, the Beave asked to pull over. Figuring he just had to pee, his friend pulled to the side. The Beave jumped out of the car and headed up the hill, away from the road. His friend waited and waited. Finally he got sick of the midnight delay and set out to see if the Beave had passed out in his drunken stupor.
He was not prepared for what he was about to see.
First, it was the sound. Not a soft moan, but more of a “Baa…baaa!” Pointing his flashlight up at the fence, he saw the Beave with his jeans around his ankles, followed by a pair of hoofs locked into the fence wire.
The Beave was commencing what assuredly wasn’t his first encounter with sheep sex. The creature, with nowhere to go, just sort of stood there while the Beave pumped away. Suddenly the Beave had earned his name not only by the number of women he had loved before, but for the number of animals he had loved before.
Disgusting to many of us, yes, but to all of us, no. Bestiality is at the forefront of animal rights debates and even some pop culture, although many of us may not recognize it.
Consider the movie, “The Animal,” where Rob Schneider veers toward the sexual fancy of his beastly co-stars. Or a new book called The Final Confession of Mabel Stark, about a popular 1920s circus performer who regularly engaged in sex with her tiger – even in front of crowds. While the audience thought that behind the tent sheet she was acting out a bloodthirsty attack on the tiger, she was actually having sexual intercourse. She even wore white costumes to hide the big kitty’s ejaculation.
Dutch author Midas Dekkers recently published a book titled Dearest Pet: On Bestiality, which garnered little notice until Princeton bioethics professor Peter Singer read it. Singer is the chair of Princeton’s Center for Human Values, and is the author of more books than I’ve read in my entire life. Fun fact: He also taught at UCI.
In the erotic online magazine, The Nerve, Singer reviews Dekkers’ book kindly, citing that zoophilia is not only an old practice, but also that it shouldn’t be so surprising considering the new wave of sexual liberation regarding sodomy and homosexuality.
Singer does, however, draw the line at animal cruelty. He gives the example of chicken copulation, whereby the human – for added pleasure – decapitates the seductive poultry. KFC, anybody?
He also notes that most people have had some encounter with shades of bestiality. “Sex with animals does not always involve cruelty. Who has not been at a social occasion disrupted by the household dog gripping the legs of a visitor and vigorously rubbing its penis against them?”
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals considers Singer a leader among animal rights activists. Ingrid Newkirk, the president of PETA, responded to backlash about Singer’s views by stating, “If it isn’t exploitation and abuse, it may not be wrong.”
Karen Davis, the president of United Poultry Concerns, feels that humans impose sexual frustration on their captive animals: “What is a sexually mature male dog deprived of a normal sex life with a member of his own species supposed to do with his sex drive?” If we could ask Fido, then maybe we’d know.
I prefer the San Francisco Chronicle’s take, which stated, “You could say Singer’s take on animal rights is: You can have sex with them, but don’t eat them.”
Well, that would depend on just which way you’re ‘eating’ them, right?
Daily Nexus sex columnist Beth Van Dyke doesn’t just like animals, she loves them.