Point 1: The White Stripes video for “Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground.” This can make men weep in the presence of other men.

Point 2: Ben Affleck sporting a toupee. J. Lo has now dated a man pretending to have hair and a man pretending to be black.

Point 3: The guy who got smacked by Buzz Aldrin. When we said, “Don’t be a hater,” did you think we were kidding?

Point 4: Mudhoney’s Since We’ve Become Translucent. We haven’t gotten shivers like these down our spines since Greg Lee last exclaimed, “Kick it, Rockapella!”

Point 5: Artsweek really deserves a feature-length biopic-but-not-biopic about our rise from a troubled calendar section to the most controversial weekly supplement in Nexus history (call it “8 Page”). After all, we only require one burly posse-member to defend ourselves against puppets.