Buried tulips to come for Santa Barbara’s winter. The cold and the rain give us all an excuse to dress warmly or just stay under the sheets (hopefully with a nice, hot body).

Turds to the Christmas cheer and obnoxious music that started before we’d even digested our turkey.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, skinny and puckered turds to every professor and TA who insisted on class that Wednesday.

Well-watered tulips to the university for filling the reflecting pool. Grateful sea gulls will provide the turds.

Speaking of waterfowl, blossoming tulips to the county and the Isla Vista Recreation and Parks District for finally finishing Pelican Park.

Bubbly and flatulent turds to North County’s greedy developers who are trying to create their own fiefdom by doing one or more of the following: recalling Gail Marshall, redrawing district lines to exclude I.V. and seceding from Santa Barbara County.

We say it every time, but smooth tulips to the county for repaving a few of I.V.’s roads. Now about those sidewalks …

Constipated and hard-to-come-by turds to on-campus parking.

Upstanding tulips to Nobel laureate Walter Kohn for riding the bus to work every day. Professor Kohn is a model for his colleagues.

Grating turds to the public-cable twits chalking advertisements all over campus.

Tall tulips to the men’s basketball team for beating BYU and their flown-in fans.

We’re still waiting for turds from Associated Students Legislative Council. Since September, the leggies have done just about nothing. There has been a lot of bullshit, though.

Congratulatory tulips to the two UCSB alumni with films playing in I.V. Theater.

Jackass turds to the Sherwood Player screwhead who shoved unpaid-for ads into Wednesday’s Nexus.

Tulips to Eugene McCarthy. Just because. Sigh.

Red-tinged turds to Joe McCarthy, who’s spirit lives on in Bush’s Justice Dept.

Resilient tulips to Barb MacLean, saint of the Nexus.