Most “important” holidays have two sides: the story adults believe and the story children believe.

Easter is no different. Adults go to church and listen to Jesus stories. Kids hear a nice story, too.

However, whoever invented the lies that parents tell their kids about Easter did a half-assed job. There is a gigantic bunny, eggs and pastel colors.

Children need a better story. I ran some data through the Weathercomputer and came up with the following suggestions:

1) The eggs are colored because some chickens eat Play-Doh.

2) Every spring, bunnies everywhere engage in a round-robin tournament of contests similar to cockfights. The winner is crowned Easter Bunny.

3) Smoking the plastic grass makes everything more believable – in pastel!

4) Sorry, even the Weathercomputer can’t explain the Cadbury Bunny.

Monday’s forecast: Easter lies have been hazy for years, but should clear up for next year.