Emma Demorest / Daily Nexus

Second-year communication major Luke Hampton is spending his summer on the lowest possible rung of the corporate ladder and is having a really awesome time, in case you were wondering.

According to Hampton’s LinkedIn profile, he is currently a Marketing Intern at a Major Tech Company in Cupertino. Though he is unpaid and is treated like the human equivalent of dirt, Hampton is having a really great time dressing up like a Business Man every day. 

“I just really love corporate life, ya know. I think I would really thrive at working a mindless desk job until my inevitable midlife crisis,” Hampton told Nexustentialism. “OK, which tie — blue or blue with stripes?” 

When asked what being a Marketing Intern entails, Hampton struggled to find a succinct answer. 

“Um, yeah, uh, I do like a lot of research and stuff. And projects, I guess.” When asked what kind of projects, Hampton declined to answer, quickly shifting the subject to his patterned socks — indicative of the “lax office environment.” 

Hampton is not totally sure what his company does, but he’s just happy to be a part of the team! He is really jazzed about the kitchen stocked with free trail mix, having his own parking spot and, most importantly, his very own ID badge with the little elastic pully thing he uses to open the door when he leaves to fetch coffee for his asshole boss.  

We here at Nexustentialism wish Hampton the very best on his slow trudge to middle management. 

Betty Cocker loves free labor hahahahahahahahaha.