Students and community members of Isla Vista this week are having trouble biking, driving and walking through the streets, where thousands of abandoned new year’s resolutions have accumulated. The streets are littered with crumpled piles yesteryear, their contents torn to shreds and pushed into gutters alongside smashed cans of Bud Light.
Sadly, this is an annual occurrence. UC Santa Barbara students, eager to change themselves for the better in light of a new year, hoard dozens of resolutions on January first. These resolutions are seemingly insurmountable for many IV residents, seeing as they cannot take care of or account for them even two weeks later, and lead to massive resolution abandonment come late January.
The discarded resolutions have become such a problem this month that Isla Vista community officials are considering setting up strict resolution abandonment regulations in an effort beautify the community.
Not uncommon for the first week back at school, it is easy to see the same resolutions hit the curb every year. Sorority Sally’s “spend less money on Starbucks fraps” is a classic, and this year was found laying torn and a little soggy in front of apartment complex dumpsters, as well as an upwards of two hundred unfulfilled “go to the gym” resolutions, seen in tattered heaps on the curb of dog shit park.
While on the scene, a Nexustentialism reporter even caught a young man eating a donut and tossing a crumpled up “eat healthy” resolution from his bike, where it landed next to an unwrapped condom and a cigarette butt.
Upon further inspection, identifying an abandoned resolution can tell a grim tale. Take the “only use my juul on the weekends” resolution, for example, found flattened and ran over on Abrego. Or the “reference vines less” resolution, discovered folded neatly beside the dumpster of I.V Deli.
*Bud Light does in no way sponsor or affiliate themselves with Nexustentialism, as much as we wish they did.
Emma Demorest is a writing and literature major who’s threw out her own new years resolution somewhere between the bike tunnel and Habits. Do not contact if found.
Emma Demorest is the assistant editor of Nexustentialism. She once licked the largest wooden yoyo in the world.