Friends, family, bromigos, squa squa … slang season is upon us. Now, more than ever, newfangled colloquial terms permeate through the bloodline of this nation, and to quote a lost soul in my Comparative Lit 128A class, “It’s all a little too much to handle.” Seeing as I have an absurdly comprehensive understanding of today’s urban dictionary, I figured that I would at least try to remedy the epidemic that is aimless individuals not being able to grasp the latest lingo.
Before we embark on this journey, though, there is one thing you should know: I WILL NOT BE DEFINING DAMN DANIEL, ON FLEEK AND/OR ANY OF THEIR CORNY RELATIVES. Let us begin.
- a shortened version of “very”
- to be used when you have zero time for the extra three letters
- can alternatively be used to blend in at the fifth (of vodka) annual sratalina wine mixer
“Old chap, would you be so kind as to change the channel to ‘Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives?’ Tonight’s episode should be v lit.”
Amazon Prime and start a family
[am-uh-zahn prime and start a fam-uh-lee]
- a slick, refined revival of “netflix and chill” reserved for top-tier humans
- captures that moment when you order a topical, low-budget, Sundance-worthy autobiographical mockumentary, and while waiting for aforementioned award-winning flick to arrive, you and the life partner of your dreams get the baby gravy train rolling
“Poinsettia, I literally just ordered that new short film entitled ‘What About The Trees.’”
“Babe? Now’s the time to Amazon Prime and start a family.”
secure your bag
[suh-cure yoar bahg]
- popularized and quite possibly coined by Mr. First-in-Line-for-Heaven, DJ Khaled
- another way of saying, “stack those benjamins,” “get this paper,” “collect your scrilla,” etc.
- can be used as a motivational tool if you yell loudly enough
“They don’t want you to secure your bag … so we’re gonna secure our bags. #imuptosomethin”
- the act of pulling strings, working one’s magic, or otherwise hacking into life’s mainframe to achieve a desired effect
- in a sweaty, frat-filled college setting, it is additionally defined as making moves on an attractive sexual candidate
- especially useful when wanting to keep potentially smh-worthy actions vague or hidden from the public eye
“Ay dawgy dawg, did you finagle on Jamie last night by the lagoon?”
“Duders, did you say ‘lagoon’ or ‘legumes?’ I’m high as f right now!”
- perhaps the most cancerous take on the filler word, “savage”
- the type of person that will, despite being a level three secular mage noob with next to no mana and a lame excuse for a scorch blade, take a considerable amount of time out of his worthless day to spew hatred and/or ignorance upon millions of online entities
- synonymous with “super troll,” “keyboard viking,” “super saiyan Twitter fingers,” etc.
“xx_nighthawkjavelinupmyass420noscope_xx writes: sup h8rs guess wat i porked ur respective moms last night haha. anyway catch u losers l8r i gotta go 720 drop shot off some stairwells in cod mw2 b4 my freakin brother kicks me out of the basement again. ps hmu if you wanna join my hacked prestige lobby”
- overly touched upon by the likes of Migos, 2Chainz, Fetty Wap and other subpar rap artists
- an area (typically an abandoned house) in which the Daquans of the world go to whip up that nose candy, if you will
- for those who aren’t knee-deep in the drug game, it can also be used to describe a location that is alive with activity
“Ayo, Joseph, slide by the bando tonight. It’s gonna be so hype.”
“Derrick, you’re having a dinner party at your parents’ house, calm down.”
to get shafted
[two git shaf-ted]
- to get utterly screwed over by someone or something
- its usage tends to double or triple on and around UCSB’s campus during finals week
“How’d that chem test go?”
“Bro, Prof. Bruice shafted us! The whole test was in freaking braille!”
Jake is a second-year biopsychology major with hopes of going to medical school. He also knows how to knead dough and would love to be nationally ranked in four square.