Unfortunately for all social media fanatics, a life-changing phenomenon has been lost amongst the world of tweeters. That’s right, Jaden Smith has officially deleted his Twitter account. We have watched our little star grow from being a cute little boy in “The Pursuit of Happyness,” to kicking major ass in “The Karate Kid,” and now, well, we don’t really know what the hell he’s doing. Since his twitter is just about as educational as any philosophy class here at UCSB, here are some examples of Jaden’s most philosophical tweets that prove why he is fit to teach right here at our beautiful little seaside campus.
1.) “Don’t Want You Guys To Think Because I Was Born In America That I Speak And Abide By English Grammar. I Speak Jaden, Indefinitely.”
Jaden Smith, only sixteen years of age, has already created a new language. What are the rules of this language? Your sentences must contain at least one spelling error, can’t really make any sense, and you must Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word.
2.) “Most Trees Are Blue”
What exactly does this mean, Jaden? Are these trees sad? Do they have emotions? Are they depressed about deforestation? Did they have a bad day? Are they simply blue (indigo, cerulean, navy, sapphire)? In that case, there may be a possibility that you need to put the joint down.
3.) “If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have A Much More Intelligent Society”
I mean, if Jaden is telling us to drop out of college, I guess we should probably listen to him, right? Look at it this way: no more finals.
4.) “How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren’t Real”
5.) “Water In The Eyes And Alcohol In The Eyes Are Pretty Much The Same I Know This From First Hand Experience.”
Here we see a direct contradiction about Jaden’s belief in eyes. The real question is, do eyes even exist or are we all just blind? Maybe it’s a metaphor. Maybe we are all blind to the injustices of higher education and blue trees.
6.) “If A Book Store Never Runs Out Of A Certain Book, Dose That Mean That Nobody Reads It, Or Everybody Reads It”
Just take a moment to imagine young Jaden standing in a bookstore, holding a book, profusely sweating, wearing his renowned batman costume and wondering whether mirrors are real.
7.) “There Is No Nutrients In Our Food Anymore Or In Our Soil OR IN OUR WATER.”
Here we see him being extremely environmentally aware. Not only does he know the government’s secrets, but he also warns the masses through his vague tweets. Thank you for the enlightenment, Jaden.
8.) “You Would Have To Eat 5 Apples Today To Get The Same Nutritional Value As An Apple From 1950. #Fallow”
But do these copious amounts of apples have nutrients…? Once again, Professor Smith leaves us wondering whether or not our produce is edible.
10. ) “Dying Is MainStream #MONEY”
Immortality is in. If you wish to follow Jaden’s wise and wondrous ways, you must live forever. That shouldn’t be too difficult, right?
11. ) “It’s Your Birthday” Mateo Said. I Didn’t Respond. “Are You Not Excited To Be 15” He Asked. Reading My Book I Uttered “I Turned 15 Long Ago”
Tweets such as these are not only social media postings of one hundred and sixty characters or less, but are rather pure literary genius, filled with just the right amount of drama and angst.
12.) “I Just Like Showing Pretty Girls A Good Time Weather I’m Physically There Or Not Doesn’t Matter.”
Don’t worry ladies, since we all can’t physically hang out with Jaden, he made sure to let us know that he is with us spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Next time you are feeling down, just imagine little Jaden showing you a good time.