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A Map of the Various Crime Scenes in Last Night’s Shooting
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Aries
March 21 - April 19
CSOs at the frats
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Barefooter anywhere but 68 block
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Senior at De La Guerra Dining Commons
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Sober on a Lime scooter
Leo
July 23 - August 22
A condom in a frat house
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
A condom in a frat house
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Electronic dance music at 9 a.m.
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
The sun during June gloom
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Your ex at thanksgiving dinner
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
A black bear in South Hall
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Chancellor Yang at Sunday Funday
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Surfer at their 8 a.m.
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We are all grateful for the police presence in IV as they surely prevented this disturbed young man from taking even more lives. Thank a policeman today…makes the riots and bottle throwing of a few weeks back trivial and pointless.