Pathetic, flaky poop to the Faculty Legislature for its members’ dismal attendance of the meeting to vote on the future of military recruiters on campus.

Shiny, plastic posies to Freebirds for saving hungry customers that damn walk to the ATM and finally allowing them to pay by card.

Fiery, self-righteous poop to religious fanatics for forcing students to listen to their half-baked rants on the way to class.

Sweaty, muscular posies to the newly constructed Rec Cen II for giving students another place to work off the carbs they gulped down over the weekend.

Cold, bureaucratic poop to the CSOs for heartlessly confiscating bikes on campus on Bike to Work Day.

Blue and gold posies to the men’s lacrosse team for winning its second consecutive national championship.

Crumbly, unstable poop to the local cliffs for threatening to dump campus and I.V. into the Pacific Ocean.

Lush, organic posies to local environmental activists for fighting for more park space and actually getting some results.

Airborne poop to “The Dark Side of UCSB” website creator James Baron for needlessly scaring incoming freshmen and their parents during Spring Insight.