Though safely ensconced in Santa Barbara, the land of the nearly perpetual 65-degree day, we still can't escape the vagaries of the seasons. The delusions held by our friends in flip-flops and shorts ...
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It's a stressful time of the quarter. While contending with midterms, we're simultaneously required to register for the next round of classes. Who among us hasn't had to flip a textbook's pages with o...
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Cast your mind back to - if you've got them - the days of riding an ancient, rattling bus to your crumbling public elementary school where, after stopping by the filthy bathroom, you'd sit down at a d...
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"Edward Forty-Hands" is played thusly: The participant's buddies duct tape a pair of cheap malt liquors to his hands. Said participant cannot, until the combined 80 oz. are imbibed, remove the bottles...
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College life, though a cut above living by your wits in the abandoned subway tunnels of New York, is not without its dangers. There is, for instance, a nontrivial chance that you'll be done in by mass...
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"We should pull the troops out right now," asserted a hunched, eighty-year-old woman. "If some other army told you how to run your country, how would you feel about that?"
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The bulk of you have spent the past few weeks vegetating at the parents' place, enjoying late December's reprieve from busywork and dead-end employment while wedging in a few holidays as well. Kwanzaa...
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We'd all go to our graves happier if we never had to argue about teachers' salaries again. Nowhere else are fallacious appeals to emotion and images of impoverished idealists who just want to help the...
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As you may have noticed during Parents' Weekend, the folks tend to be impressed with odd aspects of our school. Particularly noticeable are their expressions upon entering one of UC Santa Barbara's fi...
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Having been repeatedly delayed since its original release date in the summer of 2004 - and nearly a decade in the works had it even made that deadline - A Time to Love can objectively lay claim to the...
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It's the closest thing UCSB has to a tradition: every so often, someone - sometimes an out-of-towner unfamiliar with the perils among which we live every day - imbibes a bit heavily and takes a death ...
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Zoning law aficionados have no doubt been captivated by the recent troubles of The Spot, an upcoming "on-sale beer and wine eating place" (as the posted note described it, casting serious doubt on the...
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Despite their somewhat unimaginative sequential titling scheme, having listened to electronic music producer Paul Hardcastle's previous three self-titled albums is not a prerequisite for the enjoyment...
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Every year, students apply for on-campus housing and parking. Busy praying that they'll be granted a place to sleep and a patch of asphalt where their car will be keyed less, they don't think twice ab...
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Ah, it's good to see the Jazz Cat again. Despite numerous changes of style and personnel over the years, the grinning visage of cover artist Bill Mayer's stylized feline has remained a solid constant ...
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Ends on ‘good terms’ but is blocked on Instagram
Slow fade
Ghosting them on a random Monday
“It’s not you, it’s me”
Drunk Uber “we need to talk” voice memo
Presents a notes app pros and cons list
Asks to still be friends
Drops their stuff off, never speaks to them again
Texts “this isn’t working” then posts from another country
“It’s not me, it’s you”
Tells them they need to focus on Econ 10A
Delivers a hand-written letter to their mom
